Going Alone is More Fun

I can remember anymore being afraid to go anyplace alone. In fact, I rather prefer it now. When you go places with friends or dates, you pretty much end up talking to only them and miss out on all the interesting people you come into contact with on your outing.

I was eating lunch by myself in a Fort Worth restaurant when an older couple at the next table noticed me. “Why honey, what are you doing sitting over there by yourself?” the woman questioned. “You just come on over here and eat with us.”

So I did.

By the end of the meal, not only had I made new friends, but I found out what they did and did not like about living in Fort Worth, and could have had a weekend date with their dentist. It was an enriching experience.

I’ve been asked out on dates, found a tour guide to a new city, and received a necklace from a man at a bar who was planning on giving it to his girlfriend before she dumped him for another guy. He was so grateful for my empathetic ear that he pulled the wrapped box out of his pocket and insisted I take it.

I’ve learned new fishing techniques, had someone fix my car, got discounts at a flea market just for chatting with the vendor, and free items I was coveting  at a yard sale but couldn’t afford. I was invited to join a community choir, learned the latest two-stepping moves, been invited to a party that needed “pretty women” to fill out the guest list, and learned hands-on knowledge of harvesting grapes.

I don’t think any of these opportunities would have come along had I been part of a couple or a group, mostly because I would have paid attention to my partner and not been open to new people and opportunities.

Am I sometimes fearful of starting out? Sure, I can be, but I go anyway and have never regretted it.  Do I get lonely? Not really. There’s always something interesting to see, do or learn, and someone to talk to. Am I an extrovert? I score right on the line between Introvert and Extrovert. Am I a wild thing? Not likely; I’m a conservative middle-aged woman, so if I can do it, so can you.

I guess I just don’t understand the pack mentality. I’m here to say don’t be afraid to venture out, even if you don’t have anyone to go with. Enjoy the single life.

I can’t wait to see what will happen the next time I go out.

Add Special Moments to Each Day

I hear that being single looks pretty good from the other side of the fence. Those who are married often say they wish they could have the freedom of being single again.  That’s one of the great things about being single. You can do anything you want without having to ask permission or account to anyone. You can stay up late, go out with friends, go away for the weekend, or invite people over whenever you want.  You don’t have to wash the dishes until morning or vacuum until the weekend.  You can sleep in as long as you want. It’s pretty sweet.

On the other hand, we singles are looking at the married folks with the same other-side-of-the-fence envy. We would love to have what you have…a family and the stability of planning a future with that someone special.

I guess this is to say that each side has its ups and downs and neither side is “better” than the other. I say, “take hold of what you have right now and enjoy the heck out of it like there’s no tomorrow.”  If you’re single, enjoy all the benefits and opportunities that are available. If you are married, love your spouse and don’t take your family for granted.

In either case, try to make each day special. As a single person, I take time to treat myself. Maybe it’s a special meal I fix just for myself, or a shopping spree, or a weekend jaunt to a great city or beach.  I make myself a wee pot of tea and use a china teacup and saucer at my desk as I write. I use the “good dishes” when it’s just me for dinner. I try to add something special to each and every day because it is those memories that mark time. Without those punctuating moments, your life all runs together and is gone before you know it.

One of my favorite authors is Alexandra Stoddard, and one of my favorite concepts of hers is the adding of “Grace Notes” to each and every day. It is from her I draw my inspiration.

What can (or do) you do to add a special moment to your day today?

The Life Goals List

Boy, did I luck out. This house-sitting experience has turned out to be fantastic. Not only did I get to try out a trendy new world-class city…for free…but the house I’m sitting for is beautiful!

It’s funny how we can throw something out to the universe and have the universe answer us.

Other great things happened this weekend too. For one, I was stopped by a police officer while walking around downtown…who stopped me just to flirt!  LOL.  Now I’m asking him for his advice on what sections of town would be safe to live in.

I also followed one of my passions…ballroom dancing…and met some wonderful people who have since been in touch with their own recommendations.

I feel like I was led here because things have been so easy. It was exciting to see and live in this new city as if I was already a resident. What a great way to try out a new place to live.

It’s not that I have to move. I want to. I am following a life dream to live in a world-class city. At least once in my life.

I keep a list of “to dos” that I want to accomplish.  I call it my Life Goals list. They include things like driving a wagon train across the Oregon Trail, digging for dinosaurs in Montana, and attending cooking school in Italy.  Simple items include dinner at the country club and learning magic.  I keep an ongoing list of new things to try, and I check them off as I do them. It is a fun pleasure at the end of each year to look back at the list to see what I’ve done and what I have yet to look forward to.

It is equally as exciting to plan the next challenge as it is to experience it. And working as a travel writer, I can write and encourage others to create and follow their dreams.

Do you have any kind of list of Life Goals? What’s on your list? What do you call your list?

Trying Out A New City–For Free–Thanks to Craigslist

Sometimes we just have to do something crazy. Or maybe it’s the “send it out to the universe and it will come back to you” theory I’ve espoused. But I am considering relocating to a world-class city from a mid-sized capital city and am exploring a way that’s not quite the normal way.

I researched hotel pricing and found it exhorbitant, so I thought I’d try a crazy way to find lodging…for free…while I explore and check out how I feel about the new city. (When you’re single you have a lot more options than couples do.)

My friends think I’m nuts, but I placed an ad on Craigslist explaining that I wanted to come to visit the city and asking if anyone wanted a pet-sitter or someone to live in and watch their house while they traveled on vacation or abroad for either no cost (a trade) or a low cost.

I got calls.

I explained that I was an middle-aged (heaven forbid) woman; quiet and responsible. And that I had done this before.

So this weekend I am staying at a woman’s house who is going on vacation. She has offered her house for the entire week. It is in THE most desirable and high-end area of the city I’m considering…how lucky is that! I can’t wait to see it. We’ve talked on the telephone and I think we’re going to become friends if I move there too. We have very similar backgrounds and career aspirations and are going to go to a wine bar together on Friday night after she gives me a tour of the pet care responsibilities so we can talk about our futures.

While I’m there, I’m going to check out a second opportunity of a woman who wants to rent me her house for a really good price because she was intrigued by my ad. That would line up an affordable place to move to in this not-so-affordable area.

This isn’t the first time I’ve found such accommodations on Craigslist. Two years ago I went to Austin TX for 10 days on a similar pet-sitting adventure while the owners were in Europe. I was looking for a sublet on Craigslist, saw their ad, and worked out the details over the phone. They told me what area of town they lived in and when I researched it I found out it also was in the best and most toney neighborhood. But I was in for a surprise when I got there. These accommodations weren’t quite as lush as what I’m expecting this weekend…it was a  3-room carriage house that you had to walk sideways through to get past the kitchen counter.

They also didn’t tell me they didn’t own a TV set, so that was one of my first purchases…that I returned at the end of the 10 days before driving home, but don’t tell the store.

I know that being a single woman traveling alone that I have to be careful. But I’m willing to give alternative options a chance. All it takes is a little bit of creativity, a release from thoughts of what you “should” do, a belief that if you ask it will come, and a modicum of nerve.

One web site I’ve been curious about is called “couch surfing.” Supposedly there is a list of people who offer a place to sleep at their house…whether a bedroom or a couch…for free. Unspoken rules say that you should take the homeowner out to dinner though as a return favor. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to give this one a try yet, but hey, I just may.

Do you have a story of how you tried something different than the “norm?” I’d love to hear it.

It Must Be Hard Being the Pretty One

As I was expounding on my last dating disaster with my sister she declared, “It must be hard being the pretty one.”  For she has never had the type of experiences I have had. I’ll tell you, the men I meet nowadays have one thing on their mind. Sex. Generally within the first one, two, or three dates.  Now I’m using the word “they” instead of “he” because it seems to be part of the modern male’s script, and they all seem to have read it.

It starts with the kiss on the first meeting. Simple. Nice.  Then on the second date, they’re leaning in for a tonsil cleanser and the hand scoots up inside the blouse.  Of course I put the kabash on it right away.

Then the guilting starts.

“What’s wrong?” they ask, dragging out the last part of the word wrong into two or more syllables. ”Don’t you want it?”  “It’ll be fun…”  they drone on while the hands continue to forage for flesh.

“No,” I reply. Simply and firmly. “I’m just not ready to go to that stage yet.” Seems clear to me.

But no. They take it to the next level. “What’s wrong with YOU?” they start in an unusually high-toned voice. “We’ll just sleep together. We don’t have to DO anything, OK?”

Yeah, right.

“It’ll be OK.  Won’t it be nice for me to hold you all night?  Come on…”

This is where they start unbuttoning and removing the shirt and belt.

“No.” I repeat, this time a little more perterbed.

Now they get angry. “Well if you’re not going to sleep with me…and I mean just sleep…then I’m leaving.”  They get dressed and head for the door.  I don’t say a word.

Sometimes they leave and slam the door behind them. Other times they give a perfunctory hug at the door and then leave. But in all cases, they don’t come back.

Now I’m such an old-fashioned girl and expect to be courted in a gentlemanly way, and to get to know someone  before I leap into bed with them. Is there something wrong with that?

My theory is that we women are training men to be this way. Because of those women who do not uphold their standards and who do go to bed with men right away. So that’s what they expect from a woman and that’s what they get. Those of us who want something more…a more solid relationship, a future…where does that leave us? Surely there are nice men out there???

My sister says it’s because I’m pretty. That the men just fall all over me when they meet me. They are usually telling me “I’m the one” within two or three dates. Sometimes they even propose! I had a ring offered to me on a third date one time.

But even though I’m “the one” they can’t wait to get to know me before wanting to jump into bed. Hmmm, is that part of the script? They know what women want to hear?

Read the new book by Steve Harvey titled, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” It helps explain why men think the way they do, from the male perspective, and what we ladies should do to hold our ground.

Let me know your dating stories.

Vacationing Single in the Outer Banks

I returned from a successful week at the Travel Writer’s Conference where I made invaluable contacts for future assignments, and directly headed out on a much-needed vacation. The family rented one of those mega-mansions at the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Nags Head to be exact. Ten days of sun and relaxation.  With 11 family and family friend members?  It could have gone either way, but it was a surprisingly pleasant experience. The size of the house helped. Six bedroom suites.  And so did the mix of people.  Family AND friends to temper everyone into their best behavior.  I created a white board similar to the ones we used in college to check in and out of the dorm. This kept track of everyone’s whereabouts, and you didn’t have to tell anyone where you were going, leaving yourself open for “take me” pleadings.

What surprised me is how LITTLE people went to the beach. Come on, people.  We’re at The Beach.  Sand. Surf. Warm sun. What did they do?  Hang out by the pool at the house. Watch TV. Go shopping.  Not me, as the single explorer I am, I took off on adventure. Now I’m not one to sit still very long, so I took my new toy…my metal detector…and headed for the beach. The first weekend wasn’t too bad as there weren’t many people on the beach. And the sand revealed coin after coin. No diamond rings though…the ultimate treasure. The second weekend I popped up over the dunes with detector in tow to discover scads of mostly-naked bodies covering my prime hunting ground. Embarrased, I slunk back to the car, hoping desperately that nobody noticed my nerdy self with my hat, shovel, pink goodie bag and the oh-so-obvious metal detector. So NOT cool. I hid the detector in the car and quickly left, vowing to return that evening for the spoils. I grabbed my nephew as cover and we did return to find more coins, beer bottle caps, and even a very fine corkscrew.

Being a history buff and a veteran travel writer, I landed some media passes to the historical sights along the Outer Banks, including the Elizabethan Gardens, Fort Raleigh, and the Wright Brother’s Memorial National Park. Nothing excites me more than standing on the ground where history was made. The new(ish) visitor’s center at the Wright Brother’s Memorial was an excellent addition to the park, built to celebrate the 100th anniversary in 2003.   

If only I had my metal detector with me…

One of the joys of being single is the ability to slide into family gatherings without much commitment. The couples do the cooking, the cleaning, the planning. The poor single girl just has to show up and be pampered. A good gig, if I do say so. I ate great meals, enjoyed a luxurious suite with a huge porch and a view of the ocean, and in return performed my magic act and held regular happy hours for the group. I guess it was up to me to liven things up and entertain the crowd. I could come and go without having to check in with anyone. I could sleep with the windows open and listen to the waves hitting the shore.  I saw fabulous historical sights. Not paying for a vacation, but enjoying my visit as an invited guest. What’s one extra person?

Please share your stories of your vacation as a single person with me. How do you fit in with family vacations?  What do you do?

Travel For Free as a Travel Writer

Sailing at 2008's conference in Annapolis, MD

 

I love to travel. But as a single person, I have several concerns. One, I don’t always like to go alone. Two, I feel funny and shy signing up for group tours where I don’t know anybody. And three, they charge more for a single traveler than a couple.  So that’s when I learned how to turn my interest into profit and travel for free by becoming a travel writer. My friends all say, “teach me,” but I just smile and tell them it’s a great gig.  I get to travel pretty much anywhere I want to go, and I get to write about it and get paid for writing. As for friends, I’ve made great friends in the travel writing community whom I often see on the various trips I make throughout the year. So I have traveling companions who share this common interest.

Right now I’m packing to go to the annual Mid-Atlantic Travel Writer’s conference–this year in Delaware. Each year a different state hosts the region’s travel writers with a conference and lots of fun side trips and activities.  And it’s all sponsored by the state’s tourism people.  I’m sure I will come back with some interesting trip ideas that I’ll talk about on my posts.

I’d like to develop a forum where we can share our travel ideas a single people.  Send me your best travel locations for singles, and how you cope with little money, lack of traveling companions, and coping skills for traveling alone.

How Did I End Up Single?

I guess this is the question we all ask ourselves. How did I end up single? Doesn’t it seem like everyone around us is married or in a committed relationship? So what’s different about me?  I was reading Sex and the City (by Candace Bushnell) and the characters are talking about the same thing. Once you get to be a “certain age, you start to realize things.  One, you won’t die without a Saturday night date. Two, the goods are odd. And three, you don’t understand how you got to be this age and not be married. Just when did we get older?

Let’s face it though. It’s not the end of the world. Some of my girlfriends simply “die” without a man. But I’ve found it interesting to make the best of my singleness while I’m at this stage in my life. And I’ve discovered all kinds of adventures that I’ll reveal in future posts.

Please feel free to share your single adventures and challenges with me.  We’ll share a solo world together.