It Must Be Hard Being the Pretty One

As I was expounding on my last dating disaster with my sister she declared, “It must be hard being the pretty one.”  For she has never had the type of experiences I have had. I’ll tell you, the men I meet nowadays have one thing on their mind. Sex. Generally within the first one, two, or three dates.  Now I’m using the word “they” instead of “he” because it seems to be part of the modern male’s script, and they all seem to have read it.

It starts with the kiss on the first meeting. Simple. Nice.  Then on the second date, they’re leaning in for a tonsil cleanser and the hand scoots up inside the blouse.  Of course I put the kabash on it right away.

Then the guilting starts.

“What’s wrong?” they ask, dragging out the last part of the word wrong into two or more syllables. ”Don’t you want it?”  “It’ll be fun…”  they drone on while the hands continue to forage for flesh.

“No,” I reply. Simply and firmly. “I’m just not ready to go to that stage yet.” Seems clear to me.

But no. They take it to the next level. “What’s wrong with YOU?” they start in an unusually high-toned voice. “We’ll just sleep together. We don’t have to DO anything, OK?”

Yeah, right.

“It’ll be OK.  Won’t it be nice for me to hold you all night?  Come on…”

This is where they start unbuttoning and removing the shirt and belt.

“No.” I repeat, this time a little more perterbed.

Now they get angry. “Well if you’re not going to sleep with me…and I mean just sleep…then I’m leaving.”  They get dressed and head for the door.  I don’t say a word.

Sometimes they leave and slam the door behind them. Other times they give a perfunctory hug at the door and then leave. But in all cases, they don’t come back.

Now I’m such an old-fashioned girl and expect to be courted in a gentlemanly way, and to get to know someone  before I leap into bed with them. Is there something wrong with that?

My theory is that we women are training men to be this way. Because of those women who do not uphold their standards and who do go to bed with men right away. So that’s what they expect from a woman and that’s what they get. Those of us who want something more…a more solid relationship, a future…where does that leave us? Surely there are nice men out there???

My sister says it’s because I’m pretty. That the men just fall all over me when they meet me. They are usually telling me “I’m the one” within two or three dates. Sometimes they even propose! I had a ring offered to me on a third date one time.

But even though I’m “the one” they can’t wait to get to know me before wanting to jump into bed. Hmmm, is that part of the script? They know what women want to hear?

Read the new book by Steve Harvey titled, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” It helps explain why men think the way they do, from the male perspective, and what we ladies should do to hold our ground.

Let me know your dating stories.

How Did I End Up Single?

I guess this is the question we all ask ourselves. How did I end up single? Doesn’t it seem like everyone around us is married or in a committed relationship? So what’s different about me?  I was reading Sex and the City (by Candace Bushnell) and the characters are talking about the same thing. Once you get to be a “certain age, you start to realize things.  One, you won’t die without a Saturday night date. Two, the goods are odd. And three, you don’t understand how you got to be this age and not be married. Just when did we get older?

Let’s face it though. It’s not the end of the world. Some of my girlfriends simply “die” without a man. But I’ve found it interesting to make the best of my singleness while I’m at this stage in my life. And I’ve discovered all kinds of adventures that I’ll reveal in future posts.

Please feel free to share your single adventures and challenges with me.  We’ll share a solo world together.